oh har again guys...

I don't want this to be a silly teenage angst blog but...

Long story short, I've been seeing the same girl for almost 2 years now, exclusively for the past few months although she was under the impression that I wasn't banging anyone else for the duration of our entire relationship.

I come home from having a few beers with mates on the Friday, get home at about 3am and I'm as frustrated as fuck. I proceed to look for any booty calls online on facebook. I spot one and offer to book a cab (since I've lost my licence) for her to come to mine as I'm humping my desk in frustration at this point. She agrees but gets annoyed at the fact that I managed to coax her to mine via fb chat. Lulz. She comes over, bang the shit out of her, whip my phone out and make an amateur video of her sucking my cock and blow all over her face. First home video ever. I've never had the balls to whip my phone out before.

ANYWAY, this is where the dilemma starts. The girl I've been seeing "exclusively", let's call her... Rei.
Rei calls me about 4 or 5 times which I ignore at about the time I'm trying to get this girl to come over. As I'm chatting away, I notice my chat window minimise and pop up a few times. WTF someone is in my account. I don't remember telling Rei my fb password but at this point I realise she's outwitted me and has read this whole conversation. I'm like fuck it I might as well get a root while I'm at it. Changed password and appear offline. Calls me another few times. Ignored.

NEXT MORNING. Rei messages me that she's coming over and I wake up to find this other girl laying beside me. Fuckity fuck. I wake this girl and tell her we gotta go.
I'm going to try and paint this picture for you as best I can otherwise it wont be epic.

Rei doesn't have a licence so I know she's going to bus it to my house. I walk this girl a few stops down from the stop Rei will get off at, 'cause I can't be fucked booking her another cab. This one bus line is the same bus which goes from Rei's to my house and also takes bootycall home. So I'm thinking, bus comes, drops Rei off, bus goes further down the street, picks up the booty call and takes her home. Whilst it takes me 15 minutes to walk home from this bus stop I'm assuming Rei would've gotten to my house already and realised I'm not home and left.

Anyway I dawdle home and my old man is like... "Rei was here, she didn't look too happy... you just missed her."

GREAT SUCCESS.

*EDIT* I decided to draw the scenario for added effect.

Frame B

Frame B

In all seriousness I really should take some time to be more introspective and try to figure out as to why I commit such acts of douchebaggery but fuck it, I do it for the lulz.

JOIN US NEXT TIME WHEN FRANK TRIES TO COP A BLOWJOB AT WORK. WILL HE SUCCEED? WILL HE GET SLAPPED AND LOSE HIS JOB FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT?

All these answers and more in the next installment of LOLTIMES.

Til next time, I bid thee adieu.

oh har guys.

I used to have a joint blog with a close friend of mine but that kind of died...
So this is me, Frank, flying solo. The other blog started off as a parody of a blog I guess and alternates from that to something more serious as life gets crappy. I'll just paste a few examples.

"So this is Loltimes. My name is Frank and I'm currently undertaking a degree in Lols at the University of Fail and this particular incident occurs on campus. On one fateful day, I attended a social event with my fellow Lolers. I obtained several Loldrinks and after their consumption I proceeded to nominate myself as the King Of The Douches. After a fight to the death, I stood victorious and basked in the cheering and socialness of the situation. News of my newly appointed position had reached a certain female named Brittany. Her want of my Lolsword had increased quite substantially. She was eager to pull me away somewhere private and discuss matters of the utmost importance. Due to my intoxication, I was left very vulnerable to this attack. After cornering me into a private encounter, she began to attack my defenceless Lolsword. Several minutes of her skilled stroking allowed her unleash to my seed all over the Sacred Floor of Learnings. She wished to spend some time on an intimate interlude but my reluctance and display of coldness finally gave her the message. I have vowed to never head down that road with Brittany again."

and then to...

"Well the girl that the ex found out about, was a really really good friend of mine as well. So it's kinda lose-lose right now, unless I coax her into casual sex. Not really my style though. But yeah, was totally not worth it lols. Apart from the fact that I've lost a close friend, it was a total starfish experience. Seriously. The only thing she did was open and close her mouth to try and replicate a kiss AND spread her legs. Marginally better than a blow-up doll I guess. I probably would've fucked her if she wasn't so... dead."

Life is interesting. I'll try and make this as informative and interesting as possible. But right now, I cbf.